pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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