Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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