East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bring money and cleavage
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
