Are we in a gay sports bar?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
