well you can't waste a boner
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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