I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
