if you like me you must not know who I am
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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