Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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