the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
