i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
