Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
