thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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