My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
