I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
