Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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