So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
