your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
