I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
