I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
