i was born a porn star she said
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
