the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
