Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
