Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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