whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
