No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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