dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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