god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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