According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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