So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
