dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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