I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
