If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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