I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
