Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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