At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
