Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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