New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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