I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
