i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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