Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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