i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
