i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
