More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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