At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
