And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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