Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
