we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
