Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was confusing and full of hummus
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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