pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
