Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
