Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
