It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
