I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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