He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You ruined the universe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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