i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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