Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
