So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
