In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
