great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
