Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
