____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
