whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
