dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i came on her dog
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
