I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
