Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
