my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
