i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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